I have always thought of myself as calm and certainly not hot tempered. I don't get impatient in traffic jams and I am not the type of person who gets insulted easily. Perhaps because I was so adept at dealing with the small disappointments in life, I assumed that nothing would ever shake me up. Life was comfortable, I was complacent and totally unprepared for the events to come.
It was in the summer of 2008, that I got the shock of my life. My pension fund, the savings of thirty-five years was now worthless. What made things worse was that I was at least partially to blame because a year before I succumbed to temptation and moved all the money to Max's get-rich-quick option scheme. Max had been one of my best friends and I knew he had a glib tongue and a penchant for financial manipulation, which from time to time succeeded. I knew his limitations, but I yearned to retire in luxury and style, so I eagerly took up the bait which Max dangled before me.
Now I was broke and bitter. I hated Max for what he did to me ( a good friend?) and I hated myself for being so gullible. I was possessed by the spirit of revenge. I wanted Max to suffer like I was and to be disgraced wherever he went. The adrenalin of revenge coursed through my veins and gave me a new purpose and the energy to pursue it. I would find a thousand ways to make Max pay. I consulted lawyers who all told me there was no case for suing Max. I made sure that all of our mutual friends knew what Max had done so Max had to drop out of our social circle. I spent sleepless nights dreaming up new schemes to get even with Max.
One evening, after thirty minutes of meditation together, my wife turned to me. "You are becoming a different person. You no longer smile and you are angry all the time."
"I have a new mission in life - to destroy Max, and I'm taking it seriously", I said.
"In the meantime, you seem to be destroying your own life and your family's life. Max is suffering anyway. He lost the house. His wife, Cecelia is applying for a divorce, and Max is leaving, broke and alone for Brazil, in a fortnight," my wife replied.
"You'll have to find a new mission."
With Max gone, my life took a turn for the worst. I remained angry and resentful but I no longer could use these emotions to fuel my pursuit of Max.
A month later, I had another discussion with my wife after evening meditation.
"Why don't you forgive Max?" she said.
"Why should I forgive the bastard after all he's done to me?"
"It's not for Max , forgiveness would be a present you give yourself and your family."
"I can"t do that. It would be letting him off scott-free."
"There is nothing more you can do to him so why not let him go?"
"I can't. my anger is all I've got."
"That's exactly the problem. We have become an angry household. You shout at me. We both shout at the children and now the children shout at one another. It's called the ripple effect because anger is so infectious. Even the neighbours have started to yell at each other."
"I'm not going to forgive him. Ever. He doesn't deserve it."
"What about your high blood pressure?"
"That's the price, I have to pay for my just actions."
Nothing happened for six months. Then I missed getting a promotion at work. My boss said something about losing my sociability but I saw no reason to promote the smiling bird-brained baboon who got the job instead of me.
Finally, Max came back. Now I had him in my grasp. I was determined to find a way to squeeze the last drop of blood out of him. But I didn't need to because the bastard lay immobile in a hospital bed in the intensive care ward, while his life slipped away.
He was finished and I was glad. Success at last. Max had paid the price for his misdeeds.
"You must visit him and let him go," my wife insisted.
"As far as I'm concerned, he's out of my life already," I retorted.
"So why are you still angry and why do you make everybody around you miserable?' she retorted.
There was nothing I could say in reply so I conceded and set off for the hospital. I found Max in a small cubicle. His body was connected to a bewildering array of apparatus and he looked like a technological nightmare. He was no longer able to speak and the taunting glint in his eyes had disappeared.
"I'm setting you free Max. You have already paid the price."
Our eyes met. Max looked at me as if he was seeing me as a person for the first time in his life. He raised his hand as if in agreement and that was it. Max died the following day.
We were both free. There was no hatred left in me. I had forgiven.
